How Do You Judge?

We have a lot to learn from the recent emergence of transgender and non-binary people. Although they have been with us forever, only recently have these folks started to be more visible. With that visibility, of course, comes the risk of judgement and attacks, some of these ending in death.

Krysta Gibson is an author, workshop leader, consultant, publisher of New Spirit Journal, and host of “Keeping It Real.” www.krystagibson.com

How do you feel when someone says they don’t identify with the body they live in? How do you feel when someone shares they are non-binary, meaning they are gender-fluid, not identifying totally as male or female and being able to express themselves as either.

Is your first thought, “What’s wrong with them? I can’t imagine feeling I’m a different gender than the one I am now.” And I say, “Aha, there’s the issue!” You can’t imagine it, therefore something is wrong with the other person. What about being curious instead of judging them as good or bad, right or wrong?

One of the things many of us do when we meet other people or hear new ideas is we tend to immediately compare it to ourselves. If there is a match, well and good. If there isn’t, we make the person or idea “other.” Not only is this unfair to people who are simply being themselves, it is very unfair to ourselves because it keeps us from being more open to life.

Even though I have transgender friends and even though they have shared their experiences with me, I can’t say I understand it in terms of my own experience. I don’t know what it feels like to be in a female body while experiencing myself as male. I would imagine it is a scary and uncomfortable feeling. But what does that have to do with them and their life experience? Nothing, that’s what. And this doesn’t have to make me be unaccepting of them.

This applies to anyone who is different from us. It can apply to people who hold different political views; I can’t imagine thinking or feeling like someone on the far right or the far left politically. It feels so unbalanced. Yet, there are many people in both of those groups and while it might be difficult not to judge them, that is what I am called to do. This doesn’t mean I agree with them and it doesn’t mean they have the right to be hurtful, hateful, and mean to me or anyone else.

Here’s a tip. The next time you hear about or meet someone who is outside your life experience or understanding, let yourself be curious instead of comparing them and their life experience to yours. Forget yourself and focus on them. Ask them questions. Research their positions and beliefs. If you will do this, judgment can fly out the window and you’ll find yourself being more open, accepting, and relaxed. The bonus is you will also be closer to the Universe who manifests as each of these people and loves them unconditionally.