Pushing Our Capacity to Love

With so much opposition in the world it seems we are being asked to clarify just who we want to be in this ever-evolving society. At the beginning of the pandemic everyone was confused and had different thoughts and opinions, and then, as action was required, people began to split. It somehow felt “okay” to be angry and not speak to family or friends for a while. I think the hope was probably that something was going to give, one side would eventually bow down to the other and things would go back to “normal.” Forgive and forget. But the concerns were too important to forget, and forgiveness hasn’t shown itself to be abundant.

Now, as we go into year three of this unrest, people are realizing that they miss their people, their friends, their family members. How to repair and bond again? We’ve been taught well how to break relationships, but we haven’t been taught much about how to repair.

Compassion fatigue is real, and the world has required much compassion lately at an individual level and collectively. Is it possible to go deeper into our being to find a place beyond compassion, a place of love that is so deep it doesn’t drain us of energy but actually stabilizes us? I believe it is.

This goes beyond the words of “we are all one.” It’s a state of being. A state that we have access to right now. It takes work, make no mistake. It also takes a personal commitment to find another way of being in relationship.

To me, it feels like humans are being called to expand their capacity to love. To work to become love rather than only direct love to specific people and withhold from others. The world feels much smaller now and our hearts must open wider as we are exposed to more of what is going on all around the world. Are we ready to be love; where love is omnidirectional and unending? This doesn’t mean we can’t or won’t have a “special” love for certain people, and it doesn’t mean we have to engage with or even like everyone.

I understand there are some opinions/actions that seem too big to ignore and I am not suggesting we ignore our values. But instead of lashing out in personal relationships can we take a step back, commit to not writing them off, and take baby steps towards reengaging? There are many resources available now that can guide us back into healthy conversation.

I have a client who has a friend with borderline personality disorder. He loves this person and wants her in his life, but her behaviors of lying, gaslighting and manipulation make it challenging. He has researched a lot and gained some understanding and skills in how to deal with her. He’s learned to reinforce his boundaries, listen to what is being said underneath his friend’s words and actions, and have compassion for her intent, which is usually about control due to her fear of being unsafe and unloved. He’s learned to isolate his relationship with her, not letting her try to control or get involved in his relationships with others. For the first time in years, even after learning about some very troubling things his friend has done and continues to do, he can hold her in love while he also holds his boundaries very strong, calls his friend out when need be, and steps away when he doesn’t feel he can engage in a way that is beneficial. It’s a work in progress but my client’s capacity to love has been greatly pushed and will continue to be.

I also have experienced this from a different perspective. Here I sit, in my native country feeling like a foreigner, waiting not-so-patiently to return to my home in India. It has been much longer than expected, therefore I am depending on others for things such as a place to stay and a car. My living in India is very different than the western way of living and I deliberately live there because of this. When I come to the US, I can blend in relatively smoothly for a short period of time, but that period has been overextended at this point and it is no longer as easy for me to blend in. There are many examples of this, but the point is that I am asking — not directly, but just by the mere fact of me being here — that my friends and family love me just as I am, without judgment or the desire to try to change me. Even if this means they don’t understand my choices around things that seem so common to them but for me is not my way. It’s not about being right/wrong or better/worse, it’s about being a different person at my core than they have had this much contact with. I’m asking them to continually love all of me without judgment regardless of their understanding about or agreement with me and my life. I’m asking them to expand their capacity to love in a way I haven’t before.

It is in these subtle yet deep-rooted ways that wounds can heal, hearts can expand, and harmony can exist.

I believe the “ascension” that many have been speaking or reading about is just this…expanding our capacity to love, right now right here as the humans that we already are. We can do it. We can weed through our expectations, beliefs, history, and find our way deep into our heart space that holds this untapped capacity.

This requires our presence at every level: physical/action, psychological/emotional/intellectual, energetic, and spiritual. You can’t just proclaim it and then move on. It must be experienced, embodied, lived. It can be messy, but it isn’t impossible.

There is hope, and it is right here, right now. I wish you all a deep journey of heart expansion into being love.